one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Found the puke drawer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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