Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
