Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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