Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
