I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
