in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
