Your face is a jimmy john
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
