i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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