Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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