I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
