i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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