Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
