if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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