I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize