Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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