even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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