It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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