dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
