oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
