What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
