You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
