Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
