I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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