His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
