When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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