Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
