her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
