I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
