I wanna bring you to show and tell
Apparently you make a good broom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
