piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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