I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
