I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
