thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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