I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
