Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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