remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
