I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
