Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
