By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
