My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
