you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
