I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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