oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
