Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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