Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
