Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
