I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize