shes about as inviting as chlamydia
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Never joke about your clitoris.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
