his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
