You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
