I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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