I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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