Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize