On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
