everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
