All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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