im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
