I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
