If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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