So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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