McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
