There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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