I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
