Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
