Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
