Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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