He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
