I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
