i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
