I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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