Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
