im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
