Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
