did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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