Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize