I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
