hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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