I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
