Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
