we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i dont even know how to be here
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
