need another drink. this is the easiest way
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
