To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
