I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
