i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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