Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
