Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
