an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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