In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
