At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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