I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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