My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
