Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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