for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
