I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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